Well-meaning English Phrases
Budapest, Hungary, sign at zoo
Please do not feed the animals.  If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
         Restaurant menu
Fried pig with smashing potatoes.     Stuffed flesh with breadcombs.
       Knife display at a store
Extremely sharp knives.  Keep out of children!
Zurich, Switzerland hotel
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guest of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
Moscow, Russia hotel
You are welcome to visit the cememtery of the Russian Orthodox monastery by the hotel where famous Russian and Soviet composer, artists, and writers are buried except Thursday.

If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

Belgrade, Yugoslavia hotel The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In elevator:  To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor.  If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press the wishing floor.  Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

Leipzig, Germany elevator
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up
Norway cocktail lounge
Ladies are requested not to have children at the bar.
Finland washroom
To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
Japan hotel
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
Vienna hotel
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
Austrian ski resort
Do not perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
Hong Kong dress shop
Ladies have fits upstairs.
Made-in-Hongkong clock
Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
Bangkok, Thailand temple
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
Stockholm, Sweden furrier
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
Paris, France clothes shop
For sale, dresses for streetwalking.
Tokyo, Japan car rental  When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.  Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage, then tootle him with vigour.
Return to  [ Main Page ] (Note:  This is meant in good fun, and not meant to disparage the valiant attempts of non-English speaking people to provide directions for English speaking visitors.)